I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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