yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
