went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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