Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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