But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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