I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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