Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
