I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
