what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
