My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize