My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
