Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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