My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
