This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
