I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That's how pantless uber rides happen
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
