Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
