id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge†by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
