we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
