HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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