UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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