so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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