If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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