New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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