i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
