i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He better not be in your backpack
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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