I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
