Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
