Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
