ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
