I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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