I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
