yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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