i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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