I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
