So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
