That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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