Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
