I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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