first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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