My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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