He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
