What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize