Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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