This is not my ceiling
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
