Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
