Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
