Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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