you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
