His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
