my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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