It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
