No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
