Your face is a jimmy john
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
