my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
