I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
