u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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