if you like me you must not know who I am
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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