I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
