And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
