Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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