Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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