I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
