I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
