Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize