We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize