you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
