farters have to be the big spoon...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
PANTIES FOUND
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
