He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
