I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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