drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
